After Purgatory
by Dirreth
Summary: After a dangerous but successful mission your friends are missing... they are all gone and you can't find them. What would you do? Braeden for sure can't put up with situation like this and is ready on everything to find the ones she cares about. Even willingly going to Purgatory in order to get Castiel and Dean out of there. But she's not ready for the consequences of her choice.


_The idea for this story hit me after rewatching some episodes of season 8. Sorry if the name doesn't suit the story, I really couldn't come up with anything good, but any suggestions are welcomed :) I'm not sure if I'm going to continue the story or not and if so when I'll manage to write next chapter. Though, I hope you'll enjoy reading this. :) And I want to say sorry if there are any spelling and grammar mistakes :)_

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><p>A shriek full of pain echoes through the empty abandoned factory. It is deafening and can send a cold shiver down one's spine. If that particular person is normal and knows what is best for him. But I am not that type of person. I look down at the chained man and I ruthlessly dig the knife into his chest. The laughter that follows only makes me more irritable, I check the devil trap to make sure it's intact. I take a step back and take the holy water to wash the iron blade in it. The demon's eyes widen and a cruel smile stretches my lips. Oh, I'm just so creative with the knife… especially when I'm properly stimulated. And finding Dean and Cas is hell of a stimulation.<p>

"You wanna find your friends, huh?" the demon coughs blood but smiles viciously at me "I won't tell you a shit"

I arch my brows. He's too smug for his own good. I toss the knife in the air and catch it.

"Oh, you will" now is my turn to smile; I dug into his flesh with the knife, horrific sound escaping his mouth

It's been two months since Dean and Cas disappeared. Two months since Dick Roman died. Two months of living hell for me… I couldn't find Sam, Dean, Cas or Kevin. Meg was gone, too. I was left all alone. Sam wasn't answering his phones and I had nothing to track down Kevin or Meg. Not that I wanted to help the demon, if she was in trouble but she proved herself useful in the past. Dean and Cas were the ones who, according to plan had to kill Dick, so I assumed not everything went as we thought. I started asking here and there. There are demons who know things and with a bit of luck I managed to get the necessary information – Dean and Cas are in Purgatory – that's what happens, If you're too close to Dick when killing him. Now I need to know how to get them out of there and the demon in front of me refuses to co-operate. But I know I'll get what I need from him. I always do. If I have to I'm going to carve it out of him. I look down at my bloody hands remembering exactly how many demons I had to cut slice open to get what I want. The demon's meatsuit I'm torturing is beyond saving – deep cuts and terrible wounds covering all of his body. It's all my doing and I know that the poor possessed bastard won't survive this. But I'm too desperate to afford the luxury of thinking about that. I take a deep breath and start carving the demon again. Inhuman cry of suffering fills the room.

_About an year later_

I wake up screaming, memories of Purgatory still rushing through my mind. I take a deep breath and try to calm down but my heart is still bumping nervously in my chest. I turn the lamp on; I need the light so I can get together faster. I inhale deeply trying to slow my heart down. I rub my face; I'm so tired and fed up of not getting enough sleep. Nightmares hunt my dreams since the very moment we made it back from Purgatory. I remember how scared and surprised Dean was when I found him there, with Benny and Cas. I managed to find a way to and out of Purgatory – I had to thank all the demons I tortured for that - and I was determined to get Dean and Cas out of there. Benny was unpredicted complication but as the time passed by I actually started to like the leech. Purgatory was bloody, messy and monstrous… and still it felt pure. It is hard to explain but being there makes you believe you can redeem yourself for all of your sins. Memories flash trough my mind. I remember how hard it was to find Dean, how I left a bloody trail behind me to get to him, how we fought our way to the portal… and then the leviathans attacked us and I got knocked down. And after that we were in Mein, into the wild… and Cas was not with us. I know how hard for Dean this is, I know he blames himself for not being able to get Cas out of there. He refuses to talk about it and I don't push him to do it. But I know that he made everything he could to save our friend and I don't believe it's his fault. I just can't make him see it. Not yet.

I get out of bed and splash my face with cold water. I know there is no chance to go back to sleep. Not with these nightmares chasing me. I need fresh air so I open the motel door and stay on the threshold for a while. Then I see that the boys are awake too – the lights in their room are on and flashing through the window. I close the door of my room behind me and head to theirs. I hesitantly knock and after a second Sam opens the door.

"Braeden?" he looks a bit surprised "Is everything ok?"

"What?" I blink a bit confused, then realize how I look – only oversize Led Zeppelin T-shirt up to my knees and a messy bun that my hair is "Yeah… It's fine… I just saw you two were up and…" I shrug, I don't know how to admit I'm scared of falling asleep again and that I need their company

"Come on in" Sam lets me in and closes the door behind me

"What's wrong?" Dean asks, he knows me too well

"I just can't sleep" I shrug "And I see I'm not the only one" I gesture to him and Sam

Sam looks sleepy and just got out of bed but Dean is still with his clothes on. I sense something is wrong.

"What's going on?" I narrow my eyes at them and cross my hands over my chest

"I saw Cas" Dean says

"What?!" I ask in disbelieve

"I saw Cas" he repeats "Over the window minutes ago and back on the road today"

I look at Sam, but he is as confused as I am. Sam mouths silently "Survivor's guilt"

"Dean…" I hesitantly approach him "Cas didn't make it out…"

I see the pain in his eyes, the hurt all over his face and I know I have to do something. I gently approach him and hug him. He wraps his hands around me. It is so nice to feel safe in his arms and to know that this brings him some comfort.

"It is not your fault" I quietly whisper in his ear "You did everything you could"

I hear Sam goes to the bathroom, leaving me and Dean alone. He knows that his brother and I got really close after Purgatory. When I learned what Sam had been doing while I was searching for his brother… I was so pissed and disappointed… And when I saw the pain and remorse in Sam's eyes when he found out what I did for his brother and how guilty he felt he wasn't the one to do so… well, at least I stopped being angry with him. But being in Purgatory… it made me edgy and really jumpy. Dean is the only one I let to touch me – he and Benny are the only people I trust that much. I owe them that after constantly saving each other's asses back in monsterland. Sam somehow understands that and even though once he was my best friend and now we are trying to get back to this kind of relationship, he's not angry with me; he understands. Purgatory traumatized me… and I know I'm not the only one with that kind of issues. I often see how Dean's mind drifts off and I know pretty well what he's thinking about in those moments. I can see it in his sad green eyes and his stern face. Somehow he manages to deal with it, not completely but at least he doesn't have nightmares…

"I should go…" I quietly say and step back towards the door

"When was the last time you slept?" he surprises me by asking

I think I hide myself well, but apparently not well enough. I feel exhausted and I haven't slept for days. I have circles around my eyes that I try to conceal and my skin is too pale. I know that but until now I thought the boys didn't notice.

"For a while…" I mutter

"You've got nightmares, don't you?" Dean asks, concern in his voice

I bite my lower lip trying to control myself and not burst into tears. How comes that a hunter who have faced a lot worse than just some monsters is afraid of falling asleep? Finally, I nod to his question.

"How bad is it?" he quietly asks, his hand gently making me face him

"Bad enough" I addmit

I don't expect it but he pulls me for a hug and guides me to his bed. Silently I obey him and within seconds we are both under the sheets, cuddled next to each other, his hands wrapped around my waist. I feel safe and for first time since we're back – relaxed. I can always trust Dean. I hug him back and mutter "Thank you" just before I drift off.


End file.
